Know When to Direct Efforts Elsewhere

Know When to Direct Efforts Elsewhere

At 4B America, our mission is to support and uplift women, encouraging them to break free from the chains of patriarchy. However, an important part of this work is recognizing when our efforts are better spent elsewhere. Unfortunately, there are some women who are so entrenched in misogynistic or patriarchal systems that no amount of reason, patience, or education will change their minds—at least not in their lifetime.

While our ideal is to help all women escape abuse and oppression, we must accept the reality that some are simply not ready or willing to embrace a movement like 4B. For example, trying to convince deeply religious, ultra-conservative women in their 50s or 60s who are steadfast in their beliefs is often a futile exercise. These women may deserve compassion and support, but our limited time and energy are better spent elsewhere—on those who are more open-minded or on younger generations who are still forming their worldview.

Understanding When to Let Go

We’re not suggesting that you should immediately give up on someone who disagrees with you or holds slightly different views. Many women are capable of learning and growing over time, especially when given space and respectful dialogue. However, when it becomes clear that someone is unmovable in their mindset, continuing to engage only drains energy and causes frustration.

It’s equally important to protect yourself emotionally. As activists, we pour our hearts into this movement, but constantly encountering resistance from those who are unwilling to listen can lead to burnout. Instead of feeling defeated when someone cannot be reached, focus on the countless other women who are open to hearing your message and ready to make changes in their lives.

Patience with Women, Especially Younger Generations

While it’s important to recognize when to disengage, it’s equally critical to have patience—especially with younger women who may not yet see the full picture. We’ve observed a troubling tendency for feminists to attack each other for not being “perfect.” While we understand the frustration of encountering women who hold harmful beliefs or contribute to patriarchal systems, we must remember that they, too, are products of a system designed to oppress and divide us.

We strive to engage thoughtfully, even with criticism or negativity, because women are already divided enough. Younger women, in particular, may need time to unlearn patriarchal conditioning and explore alternative ways of living. Dismissing or demeaning them for their current choices only reinforces the barriers between us.

Focusing on Unity and Avoiding Judgment

Women often judge each other more harshly than they judge men—a phenomenon that stems from living in a society designed to pit us against one another. Even among radical feminists, this tendency can lead to unnecessary conflict. While it’s natural to feel frustration, especially when someone’s beliefs or actions seem counterproductive, we must recognize that most women are doing their best within an imperfect system.

At 4B America, we’ve made a conscious decision to avoid demeaning or attacking other women, even those who actively oppose us. Instead, we choose to focus on educating and supporting those who are ready to listen. This doesn’t mean abandoning our standards or boundaries, but rather prioritizing our efforts where they can make the most impact.

Prioritizing Where Change is Possible

The reality is that some women will never embrace 4B, no matter how much effort we put in. But there are many others who are on the fence, curious, or searching for something more fulfilling than what society has told them they should want. These are the women we must reach.

For every woman who is staunchly against us, there are countless others who are just beginning to question their place in the world. Whether they’re dissatisfied with a traditional marriage, struggling with the pressures of motherhood, or simply curious about alternative ways of living, these women are our audience.

By focusing on those who are open to change, we can create a ripple effect that spreads far beyond what any one conversation or debate could achieve. Instead of being bogged down by the impossible, we can channel our energy into building a movement that welcomes all women who are ready to join us—even if their journey starts with small steps.

Building a Movement That Lasts

Ultimately, the key to creating lasting change is knowing when to let go of unproductive efforts and when to double down on those with potential. The 4B movement thrives because it empowers women to think critically about their lives and make informed choices. By focusing on those who are open to learning and change, we can ensure that our movement continues to grow and make a difference—for this generation and the next. ♀